Saturday, February 19, 2011

Hiatus

People say, "at least you have your health." I've heard it about a million times, and I never thought twice about it until now, when I'm reduced to watching life pass by from an (un)comfortable position on my back because I can't walk anymore without the aid of my 69 year old mother's walker. I'm in my twenties, by the way, forced to use a device I've always associated with nursing homes. I feel proud of myself if I can make it from my living room to my bathroom with this contraption. Then I pass out on the nearest flat surface and pray for unconsciousness until the pain (somewhat) passes. 

That's my life right now. That, and a haze caused by my pain medication and the in and out of consciousness that my pain level forces me through. 

I thought I would be able to read. I thought I'd be able to dredge up some form of caring emotion about something if I just got used to this new situation but I can't. I can't stop thinking about how overloaded I am. Cancer, surprise pregnancy, and now the words "degenerative bone disease" floating through my head punctuated with a "will I ever be able to walk like a normal person again?" It is just too much.

This is testing every ounce of personal strength I ever thought a human could possess and it leaves no time for books, or conversations on Twitter - or blogging. I hurt too bad - mentally, physically and emotionally. 

I'll be back to reviewing, hopefully soon. Hopefully I'll find a way out of this rut I'm in and see some form of light at the end of this horrible tunnel I've been trapped in. Hopefully I'll be able to read, find interest in something, smile and laugh. I just don't feel it now and because of that I need to take a reviewing break until I get myself back because right now I'm totally lost and falling. 

I have a great support system. Without them I'd be completely lost at sea. They will be what gets me through, but until then I just need to focus on me because I am a mess right now. 

Yes, I'll be back. I just don't know when. Hopefully sooner rather than later. I'll write brief updates occasionally so those that care can know how I'm doing and what's going on. 

- Sarah

10 comments:

  1. Sarah~

    Sending you lots of good thoughts and comfort for your recovery. If you need a friendly online face, I'm just an email, twitter message, or FB post away. You're in my thoughts!

    Hugs,
    Reese
    bibliophilegirl [at] yahoo

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  2. I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you. I definitely understand having to take a break. I hope that you will start feeling better and will be able to continue blogging (which I know is something you enjoy very much). Definitely will have you in my thoughts and am sending good wishes your way.

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  3. Sarah, you know I'm thinking of you and you know where to find me if you need an ear.
    Please take all the time you need, we'll be here when you get back!
    *Huge hugs*
    Mieneke

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  4. We'll all miss you very much & will be thinking of you!

    Jared

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  5. Wishing you all the best, Sarah, and I hope you'll be back on the blogscene soon. All thoughts go to you :D

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  6. The most important thing is taking care of yourself. Don't worry for a second about needing a break from things. I'm sending good vibes your way, and hopes for a nice long bout of pain-free time. I know from experience how bitchy it can be to deal with chronic conditions...

    Take care.

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  7. I hope you get better soon. In the meantime, don't lose courage and hope. Our thoughts go with you.

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  8. Do what you have to for your health and know that there are people in your life that care about you and, also, people you've never met on the internet that are also wishing you well; you're not alone. I hope you have a speedy recovery, and I (and I expect quite a few others) will be glad to come back here whenever you return.

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  9. I hope things go better for you soon. Take care of yourself, and a speedy recovery to you!

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  10. Sending you some positive Karma.

    Keyoke (Sffworld)

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